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You'll Always Find Me In The Kitchen At Watch Parties

from Forward Defensive by The Humdrum Express

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lyrics

A mate of mine, known locally as the singing chef, thought he’d spend some of his furlough time on his musical hobby and set about cooking up a plan to stream his first ever live acoustic gig.
He spent a day preparing for the online extravaganza - half an hour running through the set, ten minutes perfecting his “lean-in switch off technique” which would follow the final track, and six hours painting a huge Paypal Me sign.
He always was a romantic daydreamer and thought the performance might help to top up his reduced wages and maybe re-connect with those he was missing but, most of all, take his mind off his employment uncertainty.

You’ll always find him in the kitchen at watch parties

Event page shared, camera strategically placed. He’d even borrowed a spotlight in the hope that his sign could be seen more clearly.
I felt slightly nervous for him, but there was no going back. It was time, at last, to go live.
It all started so well. It was noted that there were 30 people watching – the biggest crowd he’d played to in years!
As he openly admitted, the lack of applause at the end of each song was something he was already well accustomed to.

You’ll always find him in the kitchen at watch parties

His natural warmth and humility made up for the occasional lack of finesse, and I couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride at seeing a mate do well.
The likes and comments soon started to fly in, and curiosity found me scrolling through

It would appear that most seemed to mention, and discuss, not the so much the music but a row of garish underpants left airing in full view on the radiator.
Note to self, never do a home gig on wash day

You’ll always find him in the kitchen at watch parties

Knowing him to be a sensitive soul, I was worried he might take the comments to heart, especially having spent a lot of time on his own recently.
I think I’ll drop him a message, just to check that he’s ok -
You should always look after those furloughed friends
Maybe I could offer him some advice by saying time is a great healer
It’s a cliché I know, but he might be consoled by me telling him
He’ll stream again, don’t know where, don’t know when
But I know he’ll stream again

credits

from Forward Defensive, released June 17, 2022

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The Humdrum Express Kidderminster, UK

Regularly championed by BBC 6 Music and famed for withering critique, The Humdrum Express breezily delivers offbeat observation, social commentary and sharp wit; fused with familiar cultural references, surreal characters and subtle puns.

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